Stu Scott's Lazy Eye

Remember the Discovery Channel show that used to simulate fights between different species of animals based on really iffy scientific modeling? We do. Animal Face-Off was the coolest show in television, and now we finally have a reason to bring it back.

Is there any other good way to settle the battle between the competing, obscure animal predictors? We think not.

Unless someone has the special conch shell, here’s a breakdown of what we know without any cool simulations.

The Case for Paul the Octopus:

Far more famous than his feathered adversary, Paul has correctly picked the Germany games since day 1 of the Cup. Before each Germany match, the pulpo is given two boxes filled with food and each country’s flag. So far, Paul has opened the correct box for every match, including German losses to Serbia and Spain. But, it remains to be seen whether the octopus can successfully predict non-German games.

The Case for Mani the Parakeet:

Mani is a relative newcomer on the animal predictor scene, but he’s actually been around over a decade longer than Paul. An “astrologer assistant” in Singapore, Mani is an equal opportunity forecaster who has successfully called all of the quarterfinal and semifinal winners, plus the third place game. The parakeet exits his cage and picks from one of two cards lying face down on the floor, each concealing one of the flags of the competing teams.

Two days ago, Mani picked Holland while Paul chose Spain, assuring that one will get a few more minutes of fame while the other becomes calamari, or dead bird.

The verdict: Calamari for everyone! The pulpo really inked all over itself on this one. Wesley Snipes and the Fightin’ Netherlands win in a stunner.

But regardless, just be happy that soccer can go back into hibernation for the next four years. That’s something we can all get behind.

~ by Chris on July 11, 2010.

Posted in Culture, Fútbol
Tags: calamari, final, germany, mani the parakeet, netherlands, paul the octopus, south africa, spain, world cup